HilariousHeadlines TALK

Okay, so I know that there is this new movie out about a girl falling in love with a vampire guy. Talk about bullsh*t. That is the scariest thing I have ever heard. It just makes regular guys like me look ten times worse. I guess the girls I was with in the past need to take a look at the video themselves, they’d probably hate it.

Spam is getting ridiculous. I’m trying to communicate with people on Twitter and all I get are all these links for useless products. You can spot the spammers out, if it’s one thing I teach you on this site, you can spot them out by their default pictures. They pose as if they are going to be on the cover of a magazine. I would normally take it and move on to find some homo sapiens, but this is when I got fed up. Check out who is on Twitter, the photo above:

Ladies and gentlemen, he is on Twitter. Check out his one-line description:

“SEO Expert, Marketer, Blogger, Financial Consultant, Systems Engineer, Blood Donor, Personal Escort”

Apparently, he’s trying to cash in on all the Internet money as well. It amazes me that all these people are search engine optimization experts. I was surprised to see some lady who looked like she was 94, is an “Internet Marketer”. You click on their sites and you get taken to some cheaply-designed page and it’s asking you for your email address. What I find amazing about these is that they say “FREE SEO TIPS”, you type in your email. The email, shockingly comes in instantaneously, asking for your credit card information.

Ridiculous. I can’t stand spam. If you are a spammer and you are following me on Twitter, unfollow me right now. Who am I kidding, you don’t even look at the profiles of those you follow.

I’m going to be honest with all of you, I have looked at a lot of other “humor” blogs and I can’t even understand what most of them are f*cking saying. I guess I didn’t grow up reading witty cartoons or by curling up to a good book. I’m going to be open with you all, I’m not going to sugar-coat anything I say on this blog. I’m going to speak my thoughts, and not add any SAT words here in the picture. If ya’ll don’t like it, leave the site. It’s go time.

Man, I’m so sick and tired of seeing all these horrible comedians stealing other’s material. I better watch out, whatever little funny thing that I say on this site, you will probably hear in their next stand-up. Let me help you all out with the following joke:

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, after suffering from a mild case of constipation, the chicken had to cross the road to avoid being caught by the local asian butcher.

There you go, you can say that in your next performance. I don’t know what’s going on in the picture nor do I want to know what’s going on.

Yea, this site is jumping everyone. Alright, I’ll tell you what, don’t comment, that way I know there are millions of people reading it. I guess this is the excuse I got to come up with in my head to stop me from going crazy. Check out our biggest fan up above.

The lottery to me is just a waste of time. I’m only saying this because I haven’t won anything big at all. If I did, I’d probably be saying the exact opposite and have millions of people on this website at every second, what I would like to accomplish. However, a lot of times, I feel like I’m the only one reading this post but it’s all good, I don’t care whether you like it or not. Anyway, I like those scratch-off games because you get like these little $2, $3 prizes that you can just spend in 7-Eleven or something. Nowadays, $2-$3 only gets you like a stick of gum or something. Most people though just take the money they win then buy more scratch-offs.

Then, shortly after they buy it, they go outside and scratch it off on the garbage can, and find out they just lost whatever little money they won. It’s upsetting and crazy, but this is what happens in everyday America, and I’d be more than happy to share with you some other aspects. People spend their whole lives playing the lottery, and then some win, years later, when all the effort wasn’t worth it. F*ck it, I’m going to buy one tonight.

Don’t you hate it when your cable box says “No Data” on every channel or keeps reseting. What is going on? What can possibly go wrong with it? You call them up and then they click some buttons and it’s all fixed. How is that possible? It amazes me though, technology. I know that I wouldn’t be able to even come close to inventing some new stuff like everything we see today, unless it was something that had to do with the toilet bowl.