cheetos

It’s time for another “In The News” report. Let’s get right to it. Did you hear about that Tennessee couple who are being accused of assault using cheetos? Apparently, a couple got into a fight using Cheetos, with these orange-puffy snacks being used in the assault. Shockingly, no one was hurt as they were charged with domestic assault. There are a lot of people in the world who are suffering from attacks that are more “painful and life-threatening” than Cheetos. Our hearts go out to those people.

Anyway, this is some old news, but it is relevant for tonight’s report. An elderly man survives 4 days trapped in a well. Yes, this is true, this elderly man, who lives alone, escaped with minor injuries after 4 days of being trapped. Talk about one strong guy. He makes those “Cheeto victims” look like a bunch of children. He is 84 years old. Like it says in the news article, this just goes to show us that age means nothing when you have the will to survive.